@lize_tagge: My friend told me I'm delusional. I almost fell of my rhino...
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@sofarrsogud: MOM: Any plans tonight? ME: Me and the guys heading out to find us some ladees *shoots finger guns HER: So Pokemon Go with Gary? M: Yessss
@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
@underrateDad: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 4,917 times and you're probably my kids.