@zoeklar: my friend told me on first dates i should just "be myself" and "be confident" and i was like "ok but which one?"
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@Ivsy01: If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you.
@neiltyson: What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight
@UnFitz: [speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married.