@BigBagOfScum: My friend was like "hey bring some cd's to listen to on the trip" and I was like "where are we going, 2001?"
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@BrettDruck: I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro
@rolldiggity: A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else's, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
@cambuslad: Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove.
@Fred_Delicious: *sits down in a classy as hell bar* "barkeep! a bottle of your finest champagne please. I earn..." *lowers shades* "$200 every 4 months"