@TravLeBlanc: My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights.
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@TJ_TheMenace: Her: Sir, you account has been hacked. Me: Twitter? Her: No. Your Bank acc. Me: Ooooh Thank God.
@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
@toastymoe: One of my co-workers just called the elevator a "vator". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call...