@johnfreiler: my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said "vase" wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head.
@somecleverthing: I just had the thought "pfft. Your father can't die before you are born," and I believed it for a full minute. Because I'm smert.