@mattZillaaaa: My friends are like "hey come camping with us this weekend" & I'm like "I can't, I have to get new friends"
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.
@GiantsofDiving: Does everyone get take 'by mouth' printed on their pills or did the pharmacist look me over and think hmm...this guy might go the other way?
@kavoinooi: I hate when my cat brings in a dead bird and I have to pretend I enjoy eating it so I don't hurt his feelings