@eric10F: My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons.
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@SuperJuanderer: Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings. -I meant about the janitor job. Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep
@Abusitron: [coffee shop] *casually puts arm around wife* *reaches up to Free Wifi sign with a pen* *changes last "i" to an "e", draws downward arrow*
@thatdutchperson: [Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom] "I've counted these fries."