@mattZillaaaa: My friends definitely cannot handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me 3 times carrying me out of the bar
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@QwertyJones3: "Want to come watch the game Saturday at 8:00?" Well I'm going rollerskating at 1:00, so yeah I should be out of the hospital by then.
@thatsuperdad: Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately
@Home_Halfway: CHEF: You're fired ME: Is it cause I call beef patty's "beef patricias?" CHEF: Yes ME: Can I have some Switzerland cheese bef- CHEF: GET OUT