@sageboggs: My friends & I were taking shots every time Trump interrupted Clinton. My BFF Chad is dead :(
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@missteenussr: Never feel like you're too small to make a difference. After all, a tiny raisin has the ability to RUIN EVERYTHING ITS BAKED IN.
@SortaBad: *loses faith in humanity* "this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships"
@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside
@dshack8: Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize.