@sageboggs: My friends & I were taking shots every time Trump interrupted Clinton. My BFF Chad is dead :(
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@fanofhell: guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine
@KeetPotato: [in heaven after crucifixion] jesus: "they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there" god: [rubbing his neck] "see the thing is"
@panmidwest: [texting gf across the table from me so the people we're making fun of won't hear] HER: hahaha ME: i can see you & you did not laugh at all
@Purple_Pito: My cousin posted a meme in family group chat and my aunt said "maybe this is the year you find a husband like the way you find good jokes" 💀