@slaughthie: My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
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@juneohara65: Me: "Bless me father, it's been 13,505 days since my last confession." Priest: "You're off to a bad start."
@TheAlexNevil: We've all got that one family member who's an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family's settled on me.
@JVarsityCaptain: You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you.