@slaughthie: My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
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@LackOfShame: Turns out that the best way to find a flat head screw driver is to pretend to look for a phillips one.
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."
@lwhit_the_boss: If Jay-Z is married to Beyonce and is a multimillionaire and still has 99 problems then there ain't no hope for the rest of us