@VenisVal: My friend's wife is so controlling. When they're together, he talks like he's filming a hostage video.
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@ericsshadow: "dad, what does extravagant mean?" idk son. why don't you ... [i turn to my wife using $100 bills to light the fireplace] ask your mother
@robfee: Dads in horror movies always have the most chill explanations. "Our son is covered in pentagrams!" Well maybe he's just allergic to dairy.
@Social_Mime: When I want to trim down my friend's list on FB I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
@envydatropic: So many people say "if my memory serves me correctly" and I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory.......