@VenisVal: My friend's wife is so controlling. When they're together, he talks like he's filming a hostage video.
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@dyldonot: Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.
@LeviathanPride: Does North Korea remember what happened the last time a country attacked Hawaii?
@just1fool: Who, me? Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.
@mattgallo123: *goes to get phone out of car *sees car has been stolen *finds phone in back pocket OH THANK GOD