@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
@Reverend_Scott: "My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am." - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car
@Brampersandon_: [2 friends fighting at Denny's] Chicken: *gritting teeth* I'll have the bacon Pig: *staring down the chicken* And I'll be having the EGGS!