@RalphSudafed: My gf asked if I liked her more than I like chicken, and all I could say was "well I have known chicken longer..."
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@gorrdano: When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up.
@FatherWithTwins: My 7yo lost his lunchbox, but he did bring home a giant leaf, so I guess we'll just wrap up his lunch in that from now on.
@shaztaberry: Daughter: dad Im a lesbian Dad: Okay its cool 2nd daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too Dad: Does ANYone in this family like guys? Son: I do
@pauleggleston: Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.