@RalphSudafed: My gf asked if I liked her more than I like chicken, and all I could say was "well I have known chicken longer..."
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@DaddyJew: Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now.
@2friedroomies: Hello this is ur pilot speaking We almost began our descent but my copilot said "turn down for what" so looks like we r rerouting to Cancun
@fro_vo: Me: what do you get when you cross a bear with a shark My Dog: bark Me: wait henry don't give it away