@RalphSudafed: My gf asked if I liked her more than I like chicken, and all I could say was "well I have known chicken longer..."
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@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.
@danimgrace: Take your husband’s last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You’re the husband now.
@markhoppus: I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your email..."