@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
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@DammitLarry1: When the ex asks to be friends... it's like your mum telling you that your dog is dead but you can keep it.
@robknepper: and on the 8th day, god created a website for u to meet the hot christian singles in ur area
@YeahDrewisOn: I've learned there are two types of people in this world: People I trust to help me bury bodies... ...and bodies
@JermHimselfish: I always keep an old key and a map with random X's all over it in my pocket so that shortly after my death occurs a treasure hunt ensues.