@BigBagOfScum: My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.
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@sirchutney: Who just rang my doorbell? Its either: 1. A murderer 2. The police 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@Michael1979: At Christmas, it's important to pause and remember all those who have wronged you this year and how you can wreak vengeance on them in 2017
@Insomniac_Medic: I'm going to say sky diving is probably not for me since I just screamed when the toilet seat shifted.