@BigBagOfScum: My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.
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@topaz_kell: Exposing myself to different cultures has an entirely different meaning than I thought. *puts trench coat back on*
@KalvinMacleod: [pet therapy] THERAPIST: ok slow ME: *pets 2 dogs* T: just 1 M: *pets 3 dogs* T: Nurse, restrain him, he’s M: *pets 4 dogs* T: roverdosing
@robfee: Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.
@Prof_Hinkley: Friend: are you ready for our hike? Me: *filling my camelback with french onion soup* just about