@BigBagOfScum: My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.
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@themorris23: In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says "everyone be cool! Act normal!" Expecting that Father of the Year award any day now
@E_lok44: The only lyrics I can make out in the song "Informer" are "Hey farrrrmer...something....a leaky boom boom cow". Not 100% sure though.
@WilliamAder: Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.