@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bakerbakerbaker: friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?
@Johngcole: Scientist: The eclipse will be just like this... People: Wow, you were right. Scientist: Now about climate change People: Shut up egghead
@rmfnord: If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.
@Elizasoul80: Me: "I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself." Twitter: lol, you said "came".