@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.
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@prodnose: Just thought of way to discourage teenage smoking. Instead of saying "Cancer" on boxes replace it with the word "Acne".
@Reverend_Scott: If someone is better at something than you, learn from them, let them teach you, or bathe in their blood so you can absorb their power.
@Brianhopecomedy: After I saw that my wife "Checked In" to the mall I called to report her credit cards stolen.
@jazmasta: [i walk in with broken ribs and face bleeding] yeah but you should see the other guy! [cut to: horse just chilling in a field enjoying life]