@joshgondelman: My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we've had no luck trying to have one naturally.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: The "walk of shame" should be going to a bar the next morning after being drunk looking for your lost debit card.
@causticbob: It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it.
@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.