@joshgondelman: My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we've had no luck trying to have one naturally.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: You should cut your toenails. Wife: Huh? M: You're scratching my leg. W: I'm WAY on the other side of the bed! M: That's kinda my point.
@IrishVin: I love walking down the street smiling to myself. It really freaks people out. Especially if my trousers are round my ankles.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.
@david8hughes: *puts spider in the ocean* "Now go free and flourish into an octopus." *cuts girl in half & puts in ocean* "Mermaid probably."