@HairyJew4Life: My girlfriend and I were making out on the sofa. Her: Ok let's take this upstairs. Me: Alright. You lift one end and I'll get the other
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@BillDixonish: Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That's how I feel during football season.
@TheAlexP: I'll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn't need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.
@omgthatspunny: My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.