@HairyJew4Life: My girlfriend and I were making out on the sofa. Her: Ok let's take this upstairs. Me: Alright. You lift one end and I'll get the other
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@Sirrruh: Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories.
@glo_stevens: I just ate my yogurt with a fork, because I've learned that if it looks like you have your shit together, people ask you to do stuff.
@One_FineMess: Just did a spot on imitation of a new born calf while trying to gracefully exit a hammock.
@The_Grant_Boldt: God: okay I need to create something to fill the dark empty void in the meaningless lives of unmotivated people [creates Twitter]