@HairyJew4Life: My girlfriend and I were making out on the sofa. Her: Ok let's take this upstairs. Me: Alright. You lift one end and I'll get the other
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@GrantTanaka: If it looks like a duck & swims like a duck & talks like an angry duck policeman, then you about to fail a sobriety test son
@Fickle_Filly: The next man who calls me deluded is going to regret it when he finds me sitting in his house wearing a wedding dress.
@Sassafrantz: boss: I've been reviewing the security footage from last night and... me: OH SHIT! boss: OH SHIT IS RIGHT! YOUR DANCE MOVES ARE ON POINT!
@jus4golf: My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows.