@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
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@_xLNc: I carry a knife whenever I'm running late to work because that's what Counterstrike taught me: "You always run faster with a knife".
@jonnysun: GOOD COP: tell us where ur boss is hiding and we'll let u go BIKE COP: [clenches fist] we woulda caught him if he hadnt climbed those stairs
@heytherejeffro: Pretty sure the "FINISH HIM" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date.
@alldrolledup: when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth