@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
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@jaslakhmna: While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !
@krisv_723: *annual sexual harassment seminar. Boss: We need more seats. Me: *taps lap* I’ve got a place for someone to sit. Boss: *sighing* You’re the reason we have these meetings.
@InternetHippo: elephant: i’m thirsty, how do i drink mother nature: inhale water & squirt it from ur nose directly into ur mouth elephant: what the hell