@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
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@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
@dyldonot: [girl brings me back to her apartment] her: come to bed me: just one sec [velcro noises] [more velcro noises] [too many velcro noises]