@scarebro: My girlfriend broke up with me because she and I had different opinions. My opinion was that I was worth dating.
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@TwinSurvivalist: If I hear a bump in the night, I'm hoping my kids investigate and annoy any potential intruder until he leaves.
@Tharin_P: "What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?" "...What?" " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."
@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex