@corysnearowski: My girlfriend broke up with me. I am devastated. How could you. I did everything. I surprised you with burgers every night
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@NicestHippo: If you think you're bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
@SoulYodeler: I can see clearly now the rain has gone; I can *backs into mailbox* see all obstacles in my way *runs over squirrel* omg I love this song
@bharatunnithan: [Going to Starbucks for the first time] *Ok be calm and ask for a Tall Latte as practised* [a little later] 'Hi can I have Lall Tatte?'
@ArfMeasures: ME: I've eaten a lot of spicy food GF: If u eat too much of it, u lose your sense of taste ME [watching Adam Sandler] haha he is so funny