@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend found lipstick on my collar and thought I was cheating on her so now I only let my collar wear makeup when she's out of town.
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@DiGiornoPizza: Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY
@RocketRankoon: What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news? Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny
@bergified: Send me your home address and I'll mail you a personal drawing of your favorite animal as long as its a buffalo.