@TravLeBlanc: My girlfriend hates when I correct her grammar. She's like "What's with all the red pen marks in my diary?"
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@Sassafrantz: Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
@drinksmcgee: If there isn't a Pig Farmer who has changed his name to Steven Squealberg, I'm disappointed in the agricultural sector's lack of humour.
@bourgeoisalien: can't believe how far my ex is going to make me jealous. moving away, not talking to me for 10 years, getting married. nice try, idiot. it's so obvious
@LaLuchaNix: My husband says none of my metaphors make any sense. He is just an empty canoe in the snow.