@notorious_stars: My girlfriend looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped Wearing them
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@GMPaiella: The part of the Bible I relate to the most is when Jesus makes a scene at the farmers market
@CheryeDavis: Set my phone to change K to Okay!! so I don't look rude. Now it looks like I'm all excited about stupid shit, and I'm Okay!! with that.
@dxblarssonENG: I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos.
@Iwriteforcats: [At Fancy Restaurant] Her: I'll have the oxtail topped with quail egg. Him: Gimme a steak. Her: *glares Him: Uhh, topped with a Cadbury?