@notorious_stars: My girlfriend looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped Wearing them
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@KalvinMacleod: PERSONAL TRAINER: so how much do you bench? ME: a fair bit but I usually bed or sofa.
@ArfMeasures: "Sir how should we sell scissors?" SADISTIC CEO: Put them in tough plastic that..get this*cries with laughter* u have to open with scissors
@LurkAtHomeMom: I didn't have time to have my coffee before drop off this morning. Anyway. Hopefully I brought them to the right school.
@theshantilly: Coworker: You look angry. Me: I'm not. CW: Really angry. Me: THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE