@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [clown cleaning shower] MRS CLOWN: Don't forget to remove the hair from the drain. [clown just keeps pulling long multi-coloured hair out]
@KalvinMacleod: [restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I’ll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep…um…Is cok…ok…Is…I…what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*
@ShoutingGoddess: Marriage is like a tattoo. You say it's for ever but we all know there are ways & means of ditching it. It'll just be painful and expensive.