@T_Bonezzz: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So i'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bobvulfov: APPLE GENIUS: how did u get so much water on the laptop [flashback to me taking my laptop into the shower so i could tweet] ME: hurricane
@jazmasta: My personal trainer said I should have a protein shake every night at 11pm. That's whey past my bedtime
@DaddyJew: 8: teach me karate [flashback to us nearly burning the house down trying to bake a cake together] Me: first things first, we need a sword
@OutrageousM: "What's a good gift for someone who has everything?" Meth. Next year they'll have nothing it'll be easier.