@T_Bonezzz: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So i'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave
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@kiel_phillips: ME: I'd like to return a defective boomerang SHOPKEEPER: Ok. Where is it? ME: I have no idea
@DilemmaEmmaEmma: Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day.
@murrman5: [turns to buddy just before bar fight] "I'll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja"
@ibid78: [eharmony] based on your responses, your perfect match is a trashcan.. [me] aww [eharmony] ..full of raccoons [me] omg I love raccoons