@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.
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@iinkedZombie: [courtroom] Me: "I OBJECT YOUR HONOR" Judge: on what grounds? "LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.
@Reverend_Scott: Apparently you can't make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don't waste your time.
@Tmoney68: At some point, a guy looked at an onion that was clearly purple & called it red. AND WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE LETTING IT HAPPEN.