@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.
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@Carbosly: Did you know pigs have orgasms that last 30 minutes? This is God thanking them for bacon.
@themafinch: My obituary: She died in the shower, dancing away from a spider that was really just black sock fuzz.
@iamspacegirl: My son loves lizard facts but he can't quite say 'lizard' so he randomly makes statements like "Wizards protect themselves with camouflage".
@hypervoid: wait, do bisexuals experience sexual attraction twice a year or once every two years