@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.
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@7_Cents: *eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting* Wtf there's no prize in this? "Sir, we don't sell cereal. This is Petsmart."
@fuzzlime: I thought it was a staring contest but then I realized the guy had a glass eye so now I can never go back to that gas station again.
@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.
@myonlymizztake: If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item.