@Kyle_Lippert: My girlfriend told me that it was either her or my Meatloaf discography. I told her I would do anything for love, but I can't do that.
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@joeljeffrey: I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down... and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.
@robfee: "I'm still years behind on Breaking Bad so I expect the entire internet not to discuss it until it's convenient for me." - Idiots
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
@wilw: I accidentally inhaled some soap when I was washing my face and then I coughed and no bubbles came out. Cartoons are full of shit.