@Kyle_Lippert: My girlfriend told me that it was either her or my Meatloaf discography. I told her I would do anything for love, but I can't do that.
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@shkeeber: Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could've just gone outside and saved yourself $50.
@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds
@TheAlexP: Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.