@clemdytan: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Just saw a snake slither through my backyard, so if anyone wants a house in Houston, it's yours.
@TheRolo: I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
@MikeLonghelt: They told me to spread love wherever I go. Now everyone is complaining about being covered in Nutella. You can never win with some people.
@EliTerry: you can tell the new mad max movie takes place in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because not one person used their blinker