@clemdytan: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
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@dinaliz2: it was hard being a teenager with the last name لزيق i mean stalk one guy and you're لزيقة for the next three years
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom: The liberals in California are rubbing off on you. Me: I know, it keeps getting in my hair. (silence)
@loudmouth_usa: I read that if you have 2 hangovers a year you are an alcoholic so I'm around 104 alcoholics
@therealeatwood: ME: Would you like a snack? 4: No. As a pure mathematical object, I require no physical sustenance.