@causticbob: my girlfriend was cold so i bought her a fur coat. #Snowmageddon2015
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@Proxic0n: EXPLORER: so we found all this new land KING: Sweet What did you name it? E: Newfoundland K[rubbing bridge of nose]: Guards, execute him
@Sanbel11: My friend asked me today if I started Christmas shopping. I'm crying. While digging a hole to bury her.
@Tharin_P: There are certain people who assume that I'm intelligent. These people aren't aware that I cannot tear off perforated paper.