@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.
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@michel_lesann: “Is there a genius in the house?! It’s an emergency!” *I start to get up from table* *wife discretely stops me* *I silently agree with wife*
@steveolivas: If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?
@daemonic3: [superfriends lunch] BATMAN: There's an underwater nuclear threat SUPERMAN: Aquaman, go! AQUAMAN: [stares at watch] Gotta wait 30 minutes