@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.
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@markedly: ACQUAINTANCE: So funny seeing you in the grocery store ME: Yeah ha ha *opens door in freezer section* well this is me lol see ya
@TheMichaelRock: Me: you like that? *takes out trash* Wife: ooooh Me *starts vacuuming the living room* Wife: oh my god, don't stop