@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.
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@primawesome: Too bad the dinosaurs didn't have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up.
@AbrasiveGhost: HER: do u have a condom ME: u bet [whistles] [an eagle flies thru the window & drops off a cat] H: holy shit M: ya sometimes he brings cats
@geekysteven: Toy Story (1995) - A influential local leader harasses an immigrant who is struggling to adapt to local customs.
@slimmy_shady: MARRIAGE PROTIP - Guys, if you have a picture of your junk on your phone, you better be sure your wife has a copy of it on hers. Good talk.