@dyldonot: my girlfriend went to slip into something more comfortable six months ago which makes me wonder how comfortable you can possibly be
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@EndhooS: Morpheus: You're The One Neo Neo: You're sure? M: I've known for some time N: *leans in for the kiss* M: WHOA, that's not what I meant bro..
@Shock_Monster: Her: I'm thinking of a number between 1 an- Me: 69! Her: ...10. Me: Her: Me: 6.9?
@shutupmikeginn: Girl on my bus has a therapy dog with a marked vest and I was like, "what kind of therapy is he in?" because of course I said that
@hdaniels_00: When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep til noon because I am a problem solver