@ComedicBust: My girlfriend's furious that I bought her The Golden Girls box set for her birthday, but I knew she'd get over it since she's not real.
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@BMcCarthy32: NFL catch rules are absurd. "Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn't accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete."
@TwinSurvivalist: [Husband 911] Me: I just shattered the gravy boat. 911: She'll kill you. M: I know. 911: We never spoke. M: What? 911: Good luck * Click *
@sweet_pea707: *interview* So, why do you want to be a judge? *Imagines myself going work everyday in my robe* "To fight crime"
@Adar79Angie: When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet? I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."