@kelkulus: My go-to office prank is to sneak onto someone's unattended Facebook page and post "I'm undecided, which should I get, iPhone or Android?"
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@ruinedpicnic: [buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful
@krisv_723: Him: I’m a champion bull rider, baby. I know how to handle the ride. Me: All I’m hearing is you last for 8 seconds.