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@Pure_Nonsense: My goal is to be a troll as great as this guy one day
@StinkyGr33n: All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:
Just Googled "Candy cane prison shank"
@WhaJoTalkinBout: My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet.
@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.
@hazelmotes1: Me: Play dead
My Dog: *drives to my office and starts doing my job*
@iwearaonesie: She said, "Are you even listening to me? This is important!"
I said, "I don't know, pizza?"
And that's how the fight started