@CYComedy: My goal weight is for my waiter to ask me if I want a salad with my meal without bursting into laughter.
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@thebeckyard: Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house! Olive Garden server: Please stop! I'll bring more cheese to grate!
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid
@awkwardphilippe: Confusing prank: Obtain a grizzly bear, name it Love then call 911 and say that Love is tearing you apart