@TheTweetOfGod: America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth.

@Donna_McCoy: I wish I had the confidence of a person who marks themselves as "safe" on Facebook.

@Shock_Monster: My dream job? That's easy: Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone. That's Old School Twitter.

@RandomManik: -So how can we help you today Mr Benson? "Please. Mr Benson was my father." -Alright. So how can we help you today Mr Bensonson?

@IamEveryDayPpl: *enters contest* Contest: "Wrong hole."