@donni: "My god...we're monsters," I murmured to a local monster, who nodded sympathetically
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@juliussharpe: The ending of "Romeo and Juliet" is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married.
@Death_Buddy: When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating
@Brianhopecomedy: Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics.
@michaelianblack: The Old Testament is the historical record of the first time we Jews controlled the media.