@KevinSussman: My goldfish died. The good news is I’m inheriting a tiny treasure chest.
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@einsteinsexual: You say tomato soup. I say ketchup soup. Cause the three year old won't eat tomato soup.
@markydoodoo: DAVID BLAINE: *cracks open egg, butterfly flies out* ME: cmon man DB: *cracks open 2nd egg, 9 of clubs pops out* ME: I'm so hungry, David
@Jeffwni: - "... He accidentally drank some radioactive milk and became_ - MILKMAN!! - No. He became gravely ill and died. What are you? An idiot?!"