@KevinSussman: My goldfish died. The good news is I’m inheriting a tiny treasure chest.
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@JonasPolsky: If you ever feel stupid, just remember that every day, people are searching the internet to find out "Is the drug from LIMITLESS real?"
@thatdutchperson: [finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*
@The_JRM: 5yo: I dreamt I ate your brownie. Me: Wait, what happened to my brownie?? 5: Dreams come true.
@nbadag: *watching my hamster gnaw on his tiny broadsword* you are a disgrace to your lineage and bring great shame upon this house