@girlwithatail: My Google searches read like an alien trying learn how to be a person.
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@Vodkantots: [on first date] Him: What's your sign? Me: Vertigo Him: You mean Virgo? Me: I mean your stupid fucking questions are making me dizzy.
@jan_rtr: My kid is singing "Mac-n-cheese" to the tune of "Stand by Me." You guys just tried it, didn't you?
@TheAlexNevil: 7 barges into bathroom while I'm showering, laughs & says "I saw your peanut." He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.