@tigersgoroooar: My GPS is basically just one more man in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
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@Rollinintheseat: I took a "Which Friends character are you?" quiz and I got The Central Perk couch.
@squirrel74wkgn: [in bathroom stall] Me: ... Guy: ...most people wait their turn outside of the stall
@ScobeyWanKenobi: Just once I'd like to yell, "Don't you know who I am?!" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot.
@bossy_bootz: Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail