@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
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@Jake_Vig: ME: I can understand why, it's so silky and luxurious. THEM: Huh? I said I worship Satan. ME: Oh. I thought you said "satin."
@deloriumforsale: I hope the guy who named the "walkie talkie" called his home phone "standie talkie" and his toilet "sittie shitty".
@EJGomez: this toddler on the bus said "the wheels on the bus go round & round" & this guy yelled back "no shit Sherlock" & I can't stop clapping?