@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
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@WilliamAder: Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back.
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm teaching my 2 year old about currency so I can figure out what coin she just swallowed.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [tries to walk into my How to Use a Revolving Door class and ends up outside again] what the heck
@ZachXJ: Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, "Don't tell my mom."