@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
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@jordan_stratton: All of our friends were having babies, so my wife and I decided we might as well go ahead and get new friends.
@MythicPicnic: Home alone tonight The fridge is making weird noises I think the beer wants out....
@hippieswordfish: before guns were invented, armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit out until the next war