@thepunningman: My Grandad had a pet shop. Which was a stupid thing to have as a pet.
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@AlmightyBored: Me: I'm eating for two now. Him: Oh, are you pregnant? Me: Nooooo. Is that what that means?
@buttcrunchy: "honey why is our water bill so high?" *water bill sits there holding a bong* hahahah duuuude i don't know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?