@iGreenMonk: My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.
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@drhappyknuckles: I'm writing a screenplay where a shark attacks people at the beach but, like, emotionally.
@danwlin: 12:00am - Government shuts down 12:01am - Saying “Merry Christmas” is illegal again 12:02am - All student loan balances go to zero 12:03am - It is now legal to marry marijuana 12:04am - Tide Pods become sentient