@HorribleDancer: My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.
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@Vodkantots: Interviewer: Do you have any questions for me? Me: When someone says you're "cool as shit," why is that a compliment?
@RobDenBleyker: I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.
@Manda_like_wine: I walked up to my 9yo and said, "How goes it?" He looks up at me and says, "God is history's greatest serial killer."