@Diversion50: My Grandfathers dying words to me were, "Are you still holding the ladder?".
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@tastefactory: Hey water enhancer company, you could have made your pineapple flavor literally any other color.
@kylegotjokes: My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you" now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that
@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: GF told me she wanted to write her "biography" & I said "autobiography" & now there's a chapter where I sleep at my place.