@Cheeseboy22: My grandma accidentally swallowed a fly. Feeding her a spider now...
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@onion_an: Me:"The store didn't have any bread so I brought flour" Wife:"If they didn't have butter would you buy a cow" *sound of hooves in kitchen*
@jlock17: I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
@KenJennings: Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there