@novicefather: My grandma coined the term "TC" in 1988 to refer to her tuna casserole.
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@cortronic: *looks up "how to disarm a bomb in 10 seconds" on YouTube* *ad starts playing* *looks up "how to disarm a bomb in 5 seconds"*
@mylifesuckers: Husband: Let's talk about it when we're not tired and cranky. Me: So, in like 18 years?
@thenatewolf: *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs