@Sarcasmo718: My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper.
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@KyleMcDowell86: *sees a babe about to walk through a puddle* "No no, allow me" *gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*
@ceejoyner: When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.